Bow to Your Sensei!

Here is a thorough, but in no way exhaustive, list of things to keep in mind for your next karate class:

1. You shouldn’t warm up on the first day by trying to do the splits between two chairs. You should probably stay away from splits altogether on the first day.
   
2. Don’t whisper, “I think I could take him.” While the instructor is doing a practical demonstration for the whole class.
   
3. The crane kick is NOT indefensible.
   
4. Breaking boards, ice or bricks is not all in the mind and breathing deeply beforehand doesn’t help.
   
5. It’s not polite to yell, “SWEEP THE LEG!” or “Finish Him!” While other students are sparring.
   
6. Wedgies, Nookies, Monkey Bites and Titty-Twisters are all illegal moves, though highly effective.
   
7. You should probably wear something underneath your Gi.
   
8. Screaming in a high pitched voice and quivering after you deliver a deadly blow is frowned upon.
   
9. Backhanding someone in their jiggly-bits and yelling, “Cup Check!” is not appropriate.
   
10. It’s not okay to slap your partner’s tushy, even after a particularly good move.
    
11. Snatching something out of the instructors hand doesn’t make you the new instructor.
    
12. Ambushing other students in the locker room isn’t a good way to keep them sharp.
    
13. Challenging someone to a “cage match” is not an option.
    
14. Vulcan neck pinches just piss people off.
    
15. Using available items like chairs, two-by-fours or trash cans is not seen as innovative.
    
16. Whispering, “I’ll take you to the bank, the blood bank!” doesn’t make you seem tough.
    
17. Tasting your own blood or anybody else’s while sparring can be off putting.
    
18. It turns out that just claiming to be a black belt is not enough.
    
19. Blindfolding yourself and ordering others to strike you is not a good idea.
    
20. And, it’s usually counterproductive to give your opponent one free shot.