Backpacks

There is a very real misconception out there and I’d like to take the time to correct it. Backpacks are meant to be worn on your back and not down about your butt. I know…I know it’s confusing, “why would they put such long straps on a backpack if you aren’t suppose to extend them all the way?” But, we’ve seen this kind of mistake before.

For the longest time people didn’t understand what those tiny little loops surrounding the waist band of their pants were for. This unfortunate error led to an entire generation having to wear their pants around their knees and boxer shorts to avoid embarrassment. Fortunately, as our amazing race always does, one bright lad saw the loops and discovered, by slipping a finger through one, he could hold his pants up! This revolutionary adaptation, while limiting dexterity, gave man the use of his legs again. The importance of this evolutionary step, linking modern man to his less mobile cousin of old, cannot be underestimated. Of course, in modern times, we’ve eliminated the problem all together by making men’s pants so tight there is no chance of them ever falling down or even coming off. While this newest develop does limit our ability to procreate, we will never have to wear boxer shorts again! In that regard, country western singers were way ahead of time.

Backpacks are the logical next step, if we don’t want our children calling them asssacks, we’ve got to find a way to tighten those straps. I know it might be uncomfortable at first, but if that brave young man could slip his finger through that loop and pull his pants up for the decency and mobility of all mankind then you can wear your backpack on your back.